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File: Houkago Nijigenme!.jpg -(273871 B, 1350x1920) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
273871 No.20882  

RAW: http://www.mediafire.com/file/38cf5ag888qhmv8

>> No.20883  

Well, this looks pretty neat. Same person who drew Scandal. If a translation comes around, I'll edit.

>> No.21064  

Read a bit of this and it seems pretty funny. I'll translate if you're still interested in editing.

>> No.21065  


Of course.

>> No.21076  

Okay, I'll have chapter 1 done pretty soon.

>> No.21077  


Looking forward to it.

>> No.21082  
File: Houkago Nijigenme Chapter 1 Translation.txt -(30842 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Here's chapter 1.

>> No.21083  



There are sfx on page 5 and 18 that went untranslated. I didn't add any of the notes, but if you feel that any should be included, then I can put them in.

This story is hilarious, and I love it so much already.

>> No.21084  
File: houkago_ch1_qc1_comments.txt -(3608 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Here are some comments on the text and the editing.

>> No.21085  


Thanks for the check. I applied your changes, for my part at least.

> Aoi, sit! (Is there a reason this is emboldened?)

I honestly can't remember why I made this bold. Oh well, I unbolded it.

> 12.png:
> Panel 3: Ookubo's nametag is untranslated

Did you want to me to put in her name on the nametag in every instance that it is shown or just that panel?

On page 17, last panel, did you want the second hyphen to be an emdash?

>> No.21086  


On page 12, the only panel her nametag appears in is panel three. On page 11, it appears in panels 3, 5, and 6. In my opinion, if you translate it once, you should translate it every time, so I think you should translate it in each of those instances. I don't think it appears in any other instances (that aren't already translated).

On page seventeen, I did want the second hyphen in the last panel to be converted to an emdash. The example I provided should be an accurate representation of the hyphen/emdash combination I think is appropriate.

>> No.21087  


To be honest, I had no idea what to do with にじげんめ

At first to me, it looks like に時限目 - thus "after school time".
I saw 二次元 as well, and figured it might be a pun, but one that doesn't translate at all, (and I have no idea what the め would be doing if this were the case). If you have a suggestion on how to handle the title translation, I'd be glad to hear it.

I translate 巨乳 and 貧乳 differently to give some variety. There's no defined 1-to-1 correspondence of phrases here, and I feel that it's better to change them sometimes than to repeat the same wording over and over again, which sounds unnatural in English.

On page 11, I think it should be "My breast swells" - she's using the phrase metaphorically, and the English equivalent tends to use "breast" as a singular noun (eg my breast swelled with pride)

>> No.21088  


Oh, dang, I didn't see the 時限目 at all. Because it's about a bunch of girls sitting around debating moé, which is typically considered a 2D topic, the idea of the "second dimension" seemed so obvious I didn't examine any alternatives. Given this, I think "After School Time" is justifiable.

In general, I agree that there isn't a need to match a word or phrase 1-to-1 in every instance ("A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds"); in this case, because the terms were used to define the two sides of the debate, I think it would make sense if you wanted to standardize them at least in this chapter. But there's never any doubt that "tiny breasts" and a "flat chest" are any different, so I agree it mostly boils down to a matter of taste, and we don't really need to change anything if you don't want to.

>> No.21090  
> On page seventeen, I did want the second hyphen in the last panel to be converted to an emdash. The example I provided should be an accurate representation of the hyphen/emdash combination I think is appropriate.

Oh, my bad. I missed that before. But I got it now.

Okay, so here's what it looks like so far.


I applied Multiball's comments, fixed the name tag, changed the "breast swells" phrase, and made some of the text smaller. If you think any of the text should be even smaller, then just say so and I'll change it. I didn't do anything with the untranslated SFX because I was not yet given a translation.

>> No.21091  


>I saw 二次元 as well, and figured it might be a pun, but one that doesn't translate at all, (and I have no idea what the め would be doing if this were the case).

I think it's 二次元め like "Cursed 2D Characters" or "Cursed 2D World" with め (奴) the derogatory suffix as edict calls it. Example from edict: この田舎者めが。 You clown you. (You country bumpkin)

There seem to be only 3 examples on google and they're about 2D in general (I'll list them below) while I feel the title is self-depreciating like "Ugh it's some of THESE guys" instead of "The characters are vexed because they want 2D to be real".

The author is comparing the weight and height of characters from a manga or anime.


But they're all 5 to 10 kg below the average weight. Cursed 2D world! (grinding teeth)

The author is pining for the character she drew.


I wanna go with Hibari-san to a summer festival... Damn it, cursed 2D world.

The author cries from manga and anime.


When I watch Free's recording I cry too, with Nagi-Asu too, geez!! Cursed 2D world! I love you!

>> No.21092  


Yeah, I think that makes sense.

Which means we now have three parse trees for the title. Do you want to keep it as "After School Time!" or change if to something involving 2D (two out of three parse trees involve 二次元, after all), or try to wrangle some English equivalent, or just punt on it entirely?

>> No.21093  


The missing SFX on page 5 is
キーン コーン カーン コーン
"Ding dong ding dong"

On page 18 the one at the bottom (near all the "doki") is probably a gasp or grunt of some nature.
The little marking in the top left panel just seems to be lines for accent, not an SFX.

Thanks for pointing that out. I was completely unaware of this phrase. Do you think it is meant to be this "Damned 2D After School!" for the primary reading?

>> No.21097  


I think that the text size is good. I did notice a hyphen on 06.png that should be an emdash, though.

>> No.21098  
File: pg9_12_sfx.jpg -(1024673 B, 1350x1324) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


Got it.


There are also a couple more untranslated sfx on page 9 and 12. I put up a picture here if it makes it easier. The sfx in the blue circle was something I forgot to add in the first two versions, but I added it now.

>> No.21099  


The キラ キラ in the upper one is "sparkle" or "shine"

The さっ in the lower one is "dash"

>> No.21101  

For the title maybe something like "After School 2D Mischief! (or 2D Shenanigans!)".

>> No.21102  


Perhaps "2D Nonsense After School!" ? It just seems to flow better.

>> No.21103  


I like it.

>> No.21105  
> Sorry, my... breasts are so tiny...? (I'm not sure a question mark is the best way to punctuate this phrase in English. In the original, the question mark makes Yumi sound entreating [do you forgive how tiny my breasts are?], but as it's rendered here, it makes her sound like she's not sure if she should be apologizing or not. Given the context, it could also be interpreted as being unsure of her line, because she's acting.)

Were we going to change this or leave it as is?

>> No.21106  


I agree, remove the '?'. It probably gives a different impression than in the original.

>> No.21107  


Got it.


These pages should be in a higher quality than in the previous versions. I've only worked with color pages once before, and I didn't remember how I had the settings when I saved them. But I think I got it now. However, because the pages are in a higher quality, the file sizes got around three times larger. So it might take some time downloading, but it'll be worth it, I hope.

>> No.21108  


Everything looks good to me.

>> No.21109  


>> No.21135  

I've translated chapter 2, but I have a question. This chapter is ane moe vs imouto moe. Typically I'd translate to older sister/younger sister, but here The characters are hardcore anime/manga fans, using anime/manga fan jargon - the same characters having this discussion in an English-language setting would likely use "imouto" and "moe", at least to some extent.

So I was thinking about leaving these terms untranslated, at least to some extent (they use 姉 40 times and 妹 30 times in this chapter). Do we have a policy about that? What's your opinion?

>> No.21136  

On one extreme, I could use "ane" and "imouto" every single time they use 姉 and 妹
to refer to character archetypes (I would translate for the few times it actually refers to character relations). This sounds sort of awkward. Another extreme would just be to translate them to older/younger sister every time. This sounds much less awkward, but I think it loses something. And then I could do something in between, leaving it be sometimes and translating it other times, which has the downside of perhaps sounding inconsistent.

>> No.21137  

There's no policy. Maybe if you append something to Ane like "Ane-type" or "Ane character". When a line is "...your Ane..." it sounds all right. Changing Ane to Onee-san is changing too much, right?

"There are no anime with Ane characters airing."
"Which is cuter, Ane or Imouto." (together it sounds all right)
"Crawling into your Ane's futon."
"Having your Imouto crawl in."
"Having your Ane wash your hair."
"I can tell you're beginning to understand the virtue of an Ane character."

>> No.21139  


The only possibly relevant project-wide guidance I know of is point number 3 of the Translation Guildelines ( http://wiki.yuriproject.net/guidelines ): "Translate as close to original Japanese meaning as possible." This guideline is open to a wide variety of interpretations, and isn't very helpful in this case.

As you and Procyon touched on, the sticky point is that Anglophone fans of anime/manga are far more likely to be familiar with the Japanese word "imouto" than "ane;" "onee-san/chan/sama" is much more widely recognized among Anglophone fans as a term for an older sister, but I agree that substituting one Japanese word for another in this context is a bit odd.

Personally, I would probably settle on casual English words, like "big sister" and "little sister." But considering the potential audience for this translation, I doubt many would be averse to learning a new Japanese word for "older sister." If memory serves, Del Rey (now Kodansha) always had Chamo call Asuna "Ane-san" in their English translation of "Negima," so some there is some precedent for it. Even if you feel the need to leave a note explaining one or both words, I don't think it would ruffle any feathers among this audience. Among manga fans, especially those who are interested enough to look up a niche title like this on the Internet, Japanese tends to be treated as a prestige language, and it's common to let features of it bleed through in translation (as seen in the Del Rey practice of preserving honorifics, and the Yen Press practice of providing not only translations but transliterations of sound effects). I don't think there would be any major objections from this audience if you asked them to learn one or two new words. As with 貧乳 and 巨乳 in the previous chapter, the words are being used as technical jargon, and I think it's defensible to leave them in the original in this context.

You can always try it one way and see how it sounds. If you don't like it, try it the other way and see if you like that better.

>> No.21140  

Just use ane and add a note. Then in 5 years people can scoff at this being unnecessary and lol we're not stupid like they do now at notes about senpai.

>> No.21141  
File: Houkago Nijigenme Chapter 2 Translation.txt -(31132 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Okay, here's the chapter using mainly ane and imouto. "Ane" is never pluralized with an s, but occasionally I pluralize "imoutos", since to me it feels like a more common loanword that could take English grammatical cases. But that can be changed if it sounds awkward.

>> No.21144  


I'll probably go back and clean a couple of the sfx, but I just wanted to post what I had so far (which is still kinda complete, but I could've done better on my part).

There were some untranslated floating texts and sfx, so I just left them as is. On page 33, I added the word "have" into the fifth panel. I'm not sure if that changes the meaning of the sentence/translation. I only added it because it made the shaping look so much better. But if it should be taken out, then I'll take it out.

>> No.21145  
File: houkago_ch2_qc1_comments.txt -(1887 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


Here are a few comments, mostly on the text and typesetting. I've marked the untranslated sound effects I saw for easy reference.

>> No.21147  
File: houkago nijigenme ch2 qc1 comments (schuyguy).txt -(2900 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


Okay, here's the SFX and minor corrections. Multiball, I think you're right about "a" vs "the" and the scene boxes, so I added those in too.

>> No.21149  


On page 23, previously, the heart in the second panel was kinda in an awkward position after the text had been translated. So instead of moving the heart to the left and behind the bubble, I just moved the text over to the right. It even matches up more to what page 25 has.

>> No.21151  


Everything looks good to me.

>> No.21152  


>> No.21153  


>> No.21156  
File: Houkago Nijigenme Chapter 3 Translation.txt -(32980 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Here's chapter 3

>> No.21160  


I noticed 3 untranslated sfx/text on pages 44, 48, and 53, which I left untouched in the link.

On page 53, when Ouka says, "You must show me panties, it is my duty!", would it be better if it was "it is your duty"?

>> No.21161  

Page 42

Top Bubble
... white angle...
... white angel...

Page 52

Top Center Bubble
You must show me panties, it is my duty!
Panties must be shown, it is my duty!

I had skipped a character on that line, thanks for pointing that out.

>> No.21162  
File: houkago_ch_3_qc_1_comments.txt -(2780 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Mostly typesetting comments, a few on the text.

>> No.21164  
File: sfx.png -(1471958 B, 1350x1557) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Here is a picture of the untranslated sfx and text.

>> No.21165  


Oops, sorry. From top to bottom:

はーっ "sigh"
はしっ "catch"
このくらい? "Like this?"

>> No.21166  
File: sfx_other.png -(1471255 B, 1350x1557) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


Then what's this sfx in the blue circle? In your translation, this sfx was translated to "catch". Are they both "catch"?

>> No.21167  


Oh, right. I think はしっ is the sound of her quickly reacting, and ぷっ is the sound of it hitting her hand. So I guess
"catch" for はしっ (left)
"smack" for ぷっ (right)

>> No.21168  




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